i STILL love you the mostest of the mostest.

"I think of you so often, you have no idea." -James Joyce

determined. encouraging. assured. credible. loving. delightful. intellectual. articulate. delightful. self-assured. assertive. fair. incredible. clever. daring. remarkable. unparalleled. calm. intuitive. contemplative. supportive. astounding. benevolent. effervescent. venturous. deserving. mesmerizing. ingenious. respectful. bold. persistent. extraordinary. self-reliant. insightful. approachable. inspiring. humorous. energetic. powerful. articulate. compassionate. amiable. versatile. easy-going. diligent. dedicated. proactive. considerate. efficient. quirky. detailed. discreet. optimistic. uncompromising. fearless. courageous. resolute. cautious. dazzling. spunky. direct. exuberant. devoted. inquisitive. strong. methodical. steadfast. elated. alert. spirited. patient. tough. hard-working. open-minded. motivated. introspective. enthusiastic. opinionated. fascinating. joyous. fabulous. charming. industrious. magnetic. entertaining. captivating. independent. tenacious. unbiased. bright. excited. intelligent. comfortable. talkative. unique. observant. talented. sensitive. aware. tolerant. willing. knowledgeable. outspoken. adept. logical. confident. endearing. adventurous. sentimental. persuasive. steady. understanding. enterprising. courteous. analytical. warm. idealistic. eager. honest. proud. brilliant. amusing. caring. productive. curious. engaging. sympathetic. dependable. generous. reflective. modest. gutsy. instinctive. sensible. constructive. committed. responsible. enduring. protective. trustworthy. thoughtful. dynamic. honorable. stimulating. secure. receptive. lovable. friendly. cheerful. enchanting. upbeat. frank. wise. electrifying. beautiful. jovial. sincere. lively. loyal. kind. gentle. passionate. hilarious. patient. breathtaking. amazing. adorable. meticulous. zestful. impartial. forgiving. outgoing. creative. artistic. earnest. happy. consistent. particular. vigorous. fiery. talented. leader. perceptive. free spirited. practical. fantastic. successful. witty. ambitious. brave. helpful. focused. chatty. authentic. reverent. boundless. unwavering. inventive. entrepreneurial. balanced. skillful. spontaneous. active. charismatic. incredible. devoted. genuine. candid. attentive. serious. admirable. positive. endless. eloquent. vibrant. communicative. sociable. affectionate. interesting. courageous. radical. vivacious. capable. reciprocating. gracious. original. wonderful. careful. valuable. philosophical. resourceful. powerful. imaginative. fierce. polite. sensational. quintessential. terrific. natural. romantic. trustful. motivating. adaptable. conscientious. alluring. decisive. accomplished. pioneering. straightforward. incomparable. poetic. stunning. detailed. fervent. nurturing. distinguished. 

awesome. wondrous. worthy. magical. reliable. gifted. animated. phenomenal. intense. 

compelling.  enigmatic. loved.

I moved to Texas in July, after living in Minnesconsin for my entire 35 years. It was so exciting! My husband of 11 years (and counting) had dozens of conversations about moving to San Antonio. He didn't care for winters in Minnesota and I wanted to be adventurous. Adventurous. A blessing and a curse, to have this desire. When you chase after adventure - new places, different foods, new friends, different cultures - you open the door to experience a whole host of excitement for your soul. Sometimes though, adventure requires you to get out of your comfort zone; to move forward from the familiar. 

That's excruciatingly hard.

I feel it's particularly hard when you have to say "adieu" (for now) to all of the relationships you've spent your life building, growing, fine-tuning, and cherishing. Take it one step further and have to say adieu to your family? Almost soul-stealing. Anyone who knows me, knows how important my family is to me. Some may second guess that, because I moved to the other side of the country "for fun." But let's take a step back for a second...

***I'm practicing self-love, so just let me do this next piece...

I am home, family, and community oriented. I am loving, warm, understanding, compassionate, responsible and reliable. I thrive on pleasing others. I am an excellent caretaker and provider, and I thoroughly enjoy being of service to others; especially with my family and friends. My life revolves around home and family, and my parenting instincts are pretty strong. The word domestic describes me well, and I love being a stay at home parent. I try to keep an eye on myself as I can become self-righteous and critical of others. Because I thrive on supporting others I sometimes find it difficult to find a balance between helping and meddling, supporting and enabling. I am magnetic. I have a tendency to be a humanitarian and I feel a genuine devotion to the welfare of everyone I connect with. I tend to choose responsibility and awareness. I am sensitive and committed. My love and loyalty is not fickle. My whole heart is put into every person I meet. I have strong sense of duty to those I love. I work hard. I love hard. I'm curious. I am thoughtful. I am a dreamer. I love to think of "all the possibilities" and all I want to do is learn everything I can, then share it with everyone I know. 

While I have my fair share of faults and lots of growing to do, I'd like to think that overall, I turned out to be a pretty decent human being. A good friend. A good wife. A good mother. A good daughter. A good sister. A good soul. I was taught I can do anything. I was taught if I worked hard enough and wanted it bad enough, I could make it happen. I was taught to dream big.

At this point in my life, at 35, a lot of situations, circumstances, and people have had an influence on me becoming the person I am today. Deep in my core, the things that make me...well...me? There's no denying that my mother was the primary influence. That long list of amazing characteristics you read at the top (or read most of...I get it...it's a LONG list)? That's my mom. I could go on and on but words would never adequately convey the measure of love she ALWAYS gave/gives me. Words could never adequately explain the powerful example she set, when time after time, despite the circumstances, she succeeded. Words could never communicate the way she always pushed me to be better and do better, because she really did know that I was/am capable of more. Words could NEVER explain just how amazing and special she is; the light that she brings to the world. To my world.

Mama, in front of God and the internet (lol) I want you to know that I *know* you're hurting. I know you're sad. I know you're disappointed. Right now, I'm not around the corner and you never expected that to happen. I may not be 45 minutes away, but you'll never ever understand just how connected my heart is to yours. You'll never understand how much I adore you. You'll never understand how much I still depend on you and need you, even all the way down here, in Texas. You will never understand how I cherish you. You'll never understand how, like many children, I cherish your support, your love, and your guidance. Just because I now reside in the lonestar state, does not mean my heart is not still with you in Minnesota. I may live in Texas, but home will always be where my family is at. So now, I have two homes. Two amazing places that occupy my heart. 

I pray that someday, I can truly convey that miles do not separate us. 

Nothing ever will.

We will always be connected.

You will always be a huge piece of my heart.

I will always need my mommy.

Please don't forget that. 

Ever.

I moved to Texas because I believed you.
I believed that you believed in me.
I admire your love for a big vision, so I took 
   your encouragement to dream big, seriously.

Thank you for creating an adventurous spirit within me, 
   it inspired me to see what the world is all about.

Thank you for all of the beauty you have instilled in me, 
   because it is what drives me to find the beauty all 
   around me.

Thank you mom.

For everything. 

i STILL love you the mostest of the mostest.

Love,

your baby girl <3